The strength in taking on a challenge and the wisdom in stepping aside!
This Saturday 8th August, 10 Winchester women are heading into the water at Hurst Point and swimming 1.3 miles across the choppy waters of the Solent to Colwell Bay on the Isle of Wight.
I was meant to be one of them.
For months, this cross-Solent challenge which is raising vital funds for Wessex Cancer Support was a focal point for my exercise. It was a goal to stretch myself, support an incredible charity, and tap into that incredible mental boost that comes with taking on a challenge and working as a team. Something which I know all too well from my Peachy Biker team’s South Downs way challenge 4 years ago.
Instead, on Saturday morning, I won’t be in a wetsuit in the water. I’ll be on a boat, wrapped up warm and cheering with every single breath in my lungs.
Getting to that decision has been one of the hardest mental battles I’ve faced in a long time.
Facing the Open Water & Overcoming the Panic
As the founder of Baby Squids, water is always all around me. Every week, my team and I teach babies and young children how to love the water, build confidence, and, above all, learn essential lifesaving skills to stay safe. Water safety is something I am deeply passionate about.
Yet, despite spending years around pools and empowering little ones to feel safe, open water is not my favourite place at all. Swimming in deep water triggers something raw and instinctual in me. The murky depth, the cold, and the vast expanse have often brought on intense panic attacks, something I can’t hide when most of the time I’m extremely good at managing a crisis. This swim wasn’t just a physical test, I knew that was the bit I could do; it was more of a mental battle to confront that deep-seated fear head-on and prove to myself that I could overcome it.
My body said no!!!
We live in a world that tells us to “push through the pain” and “never give up.” Training for this swim gave me focus, structure, and an incredible sense of purpose alongside nine amazing women. I was heading to the pool building my distance and reminding myself how to swim and build my stamina.#
I know training doesn’t always go to plan but as the km’s stacked up, my body began sending severe alarm signals. A mix of worry around open water swimming, breathing difficulties, and HRT started triggering debilitating, violent migraines. What began as manageable discomfort rapidly escalated into a hospital visit; a bit of a wake-up call that took days to recover from and ultimately forced me to stop taking HRT. My friends told me they would pay for me not to swim and I began to realise there is a vast difference between pushing past mental fear and my current physical health.
Pulling out of the swim felt like a heavy blow and I was extremely disappointed. I felt like I was letting down my teammates, the charity, and myself.
I do not always know when to stop
It took a few quiet days of recovery to realise that knowing when to stop is probably something I’m not that good at but listening to my friends and family I knew it was the right decision to step back. Taking on challenges for your mental health has always been important to me but I also think I’m slowly learning to practice what I preach and listen to yourself. In our swim classes at Baby Squids, we teach children to listen to their bodies, respect the water, and recognise their limits.
On supporting my Saturday team
On Saturday, my role in the Solent crossing looks different than I originally pictured, but it is no less meaningful. I’ll be out on the water serving as the loudest cheerleader for the nine phenomenal women taking on those waves. I am very proud of every single one of them.
If you are currently pushing yourself toward a goal—whether it’s conquering a fear, a physical challenge, or simply getting through a tough time, make sure you celebrate the courage it takes to start, but give yourself equal permission and grace to step back when your body or mind speaks up.
On supporting my Saturday team
On Saturday, my role in the Solent crossing looks different than I originally pictured, but it is no less meaningful. I’ll be out on the water serving as the loudest cheerleader for the nine phenomenal women taking on those waves. I am very proud of every single one of them.
If you are currently pushing yourself toward a goal—whether it’s conquering a fear, a physical challenge, or simply getting through a tough time, make sure you celebrate the courage it takes to start, but give yourself equal permission and grace to step back when your body or mind speaks up.
Support our Team & Wessex Cancer Support
While my journey across the water looks a little different now, our team’s mission to support individuals and families affected by cancer remains unchanged. If you would like to support the team and donate to Wessex Cancer Support, you can find our fundraising page here: